Sunday, April 15, 2012


I'm celebrating my 1st year of freedom from a man I loved. Things didn't end well and it didn't have to escalate to where it did, but... shit happens. He began talking to me like I was less than and became quite disrespectful when an argument ensued. Arguments got to be prevalent in the last 4 months of the relationship. We proclaimed love but his mouth's nastiness and his mood swings escalated to the point that he could NOT live under my roof!

There's but so much I can do to make a relationship work. I was in full wife mode - cooking, cleaning, inspiring, taking care of the bills, nurturing and supportive. While he was doing his very best to keep me to himself at the movies, dinner out, casinos, bars, or new & exciting places, he'd get upset when I did things with my children and or grandsun. He told me to tell him what I wanted and I did. But depending on how he felt that day, the objective was up for grabs.

I don't want to go into detail regarding the actual last day or the few solid reasons leading up to the separation only because, one: it's personal information I'm not ready to share in Cyberspace - a few real friends know all that happened ; and two: I don't want to draw a biased picture. He apologizes every time I speak to him. He knows what happened. I still love him but we can't be together like we want because I don't want to feel the way I do when he's upset. He still loves me, but feels really bad about how things went down.

Here are a few things I have to remember when I engage in a relationship with a man. You can't change a man but you can definitely make sure he treats you respectfully, lovingly, compassionately and as a partner or Queen/King on a pedestal. You choose which you'd like to be treated as pending your attitudes & the way you carry yourself to your partner. 
A relationship is a serious thing, especially if you are talking about marriage. A ring doesn't matter. A date for the wedding doesn't matter. What DOES matter is the fact that you find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with and whatever come what may, you both will be happy to weather the storm, should it arise, together. 

You want to be secure in knowing that your significant other is just that - an other. They may have their own friends and their own interests, and you should be happy to be introduced to them all or not. That makes the respect mutual and genuine on both ends. 

When a disagreement turns into a heated argument, don't yell, don't start cursing if you weren't already and don't shut down in anger. Try to talk whatever it is out. Try real hard to NOT be disrespectful or say spiteful, hurtful things. Don't bring up old controversy to add on to the subject at hand. Don't walk out or go to bed angry. But do leave if you cannot control yourself and you feel a physical encounter may arise. There should be NO hitting, pushing, mushing, shoving, slapping, kicking or striking done by either of you!

Divulge your past ONLY if your partner can take it. If you were promiscuous before you met them and you plan to be monogamous now, it may look suspect and keep your partner suspicious. All those friends of the opposite sex are now suspected past booty calls and one-night stands. You should know how your partner will react and if you don't, you may want to divulge minimal information.

Don't put your partner over your children, whether they are your children's parent or not. As a parent, your children look to you for guidance and it's up to you to balance where and what you do pertaining to your children and your mate. I cannot tell you how to avoid this. I can only say, DO NOT let anyone other than yourself discipline (physically or verbally regulate) your children! Thoroughly explain why. You are the parent and your children may not know this person. You cannot expect your children to love your mate like you do. Their relationship needs to build on it's own foundation. That's a book in itself, but trust me when I say what I write!

I'm stronger now because I know what I want but more importantly what I deserve. I've always been helpful and I look out for people on general principle. I'm here for a greater purpose than to live in a bad situation and subject my children to that lifestyle. Real Talk!!

Just a few thoughts that ran through my mind. I could write a book about what I've been through... Wait! I am writing a book... Look for it! Enjoy your life and make the most of each & every day! May The Most High Continue to Bless U!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

April Showers Bring More Power!

I'm sure when you read my blogs, you're thinking, "She always has great things going on" or, "There's never a sad moment in her life". That's because I only post the good in my life in cyberspace. I think Cyberspace needs more positive situations and more upbeat information to read. I see the bullshit put into Cyberspace by miserable & spiteful people & I'm not comfortable with the cyber-world knowing the intimate details concerning my vulnerabilities, my dislikes, and or my weaknesses. It may be the focus of a blog for some; to share all aspects of their lives; but I've been through several things in my life as a participant as well as a spectator and arbitrator and I can honestly say, I'd rather not hash out my past errors or mishaps, but assist others to make better choices than I did. I've seen some bad situations and I've been in a few but my faith in The Most High as well as my intelligence, endurance and versatility keep my head up and my movement consistent. If you want to know ALL about me, buy my autobiography when it's completed. Soon...

With that said, I went to Florida last weekend, 3/30-4/1/12 to visit my mother. She was a little under the weather and I hadn't visited for a while, so I felt the immediate need to see her. I arrived at JFK 2 hours early and in hindsight, thank goodness I did! Everything is cool. I only had my knapsack, so I'm thinking, go through and get some coffee & read... better yet, get a glass of Pinot Grigio & watch the game.

Upon going through the metal detectors, I forgot to take off my jewelry. It's like my 2nd skin, so I stepped back out and removed my silver bangles; went through & it beeped again. I removed my rings and earrings & went through. It beeped again. I took off my belt but first stuck my bangles in a small container on top of my knapsack, in the giant plastic tupperware containers used for your belongings. Since I rang so many times, the next lady I approached after exiting the metal detectors asked me to squeeze my head wrap. I told her I can take it off. She said don't worry about it after I clearly remolded my gelee out of it's original shape. She pulled me to the side and wiped my hands with a round piece of paper. I thought nothing of it until she put it into a small machine on a table. The machine rang loudly & stated " EXPLOSIVES DETECTED"!

I burst into laughter but the security people didn't look too happy. I couldn't control the smirk that remained on my face because I knew I had no explosives. She asked, " Did you just put lotion on your hands. I said no. My head wrap has Frankincense oil on it. She proceeded to call another security lady to me, who explained she'd be taking me to a secluded room to do a more thorough search of my body.

Still smiling, (because this ish is funny to me), I was escorted to a small room, where another security lady explained how she was going to use the front of her hand to touch me places and the back of her hand to touch me other places. I told her I understood, keeping the laughter at bay, but still smiling. Once the extensive search was over and nothing was found, the apologies would not stop. I told them, "Don't worry about it. At least you're thorough!" They all smiled in relief and waved goodbye to me. As I put my kicks, belt and other accessories on, I noticed 2 of my bangles were gone.

I went over and alerted all the security that detained me and had them on search duty for my bracelets. Of course, no one looks for my belongings better than me, so I quickly found them on the floor underneath the belt that carries your belongings through the metal detector. They all looked relieved when I said I found them. I didn't think they wanted a wrongfully detained woman pressing charges for missing items after exiting the detectors.

I get to Florida, my brother and nephew pick me up. I have a blast, see family, meet new family, do my nephews hair, take pictures, go shopping, eat out, make a sweet potato pie, some crunchy slaw and a salad before I returned to Tampa International. Thank you to all my family that came to see me at Gramma's house! Thanks for the lift to the airport, Robin!

So I get to the airport 90 minutes early, to avoid any foolishness like what I experienced coming to Florida. As I'm taking off my rings, airport security tells me I can leave those on. I already took off two, so I kept it moving. After going through the detectors with ease, I continued to put my things back on. I get to my gate, have a seat, put on my hoodie - I had to rock a hoodie in FL for Trayvon! - put on my music and noticed, there's a ring missing. My silver ring with the huge Amethyst stone in it. My signature piece! I get up and go back to the area where we were searched and asked all of security if they'd seen my ring. Who would tell if they did, right? They gave me a lost & found ticket to call when I return to NY. Really? So if it's found, would they really return my beautiful ring? to NY? Nah!

I tweeted that I needed a pick up from the airport. Little did I know, when I made the reservation, my return flight came into Newark Airport, not JFK. Point of  information, folks: Always print out your reservation so you know where the hell you are going and returning! An ex love of mine from Jersey came through in the clutch and picked me up and drove me back home to Brooklyn. When I got upstairs and unpacked, I found my ring in my bag. My fast ass made sure my ring was safe but in the blink of an eye, I forgot in the airport.

That was my airport shinannigans ending on April Fools Day, which I now refer to as Marvin Gaye Day! April Showers bring More Power! This month's power source: my Sun's return from Japan; my dawtahz company on the come-up; my Daddy's (RIHP) bearthday celebratory dinner; my motion for a money judgement was granted; and yesterday, I dropped a few bars on a powerful track! I have to keep it positive because the powers that be do so much to keep me down. I gotta stay up and keep rising to the top!